Hyperactive Individuality Personality Disorder

The American Psychiatric Association has recently published a new paper on a disorder that they're saying affects 87% of the population. The shockingly common disorder, called Hyperactive Individuality Personality Disorder (HIP Disorder), is classified, according Ian Belknap, an expert on the disorder, as "phenomenon of liking something, seeing lame, annoying people liking it, then questioning everything you thought you knew."  

 Sufferers of HIP Disorder, or HIPsters, as they are frequently called by their peers, are often viewed in a negative light.  Society at large tends to look at HIPsters as elitist, snobby, and oddly dressed, but the truth is that, just like with all psychiatric disorders, the stigma surrounding HIP Disorder does very little to help HIPsters deal with this crippling illness. 

 It took a long time to identify HIP Disorder as an actual mental illness.  At first, even the psychological community thought they were just part of a generation that's having trouble adjusting to getting older. 

"We saw that happen with the Yuppie crowd," Dr. Shelly Ulyte told us in an interview last Sunday, "and we are currently doing research on a new illness similar to alcoholism, but with Botox as the drug. We recently have opened multiple Plastics Anonymous centers, and we're beginning to see mental health on the rise as bosoms and chins start to fall."

 But what causes such a high rate of HIP disorder in the 20-40 age range?  Dr. Kat Nyan, who has been studying the generation in question for a while says It's the fault of the web.

 "It's the internet, really. As much as we really like blaming psychological issues on the internet, we really mean it this time. And surprisingly, it's not that the internet allows us to see the deep filthy pits of human existence, or all the problems caused by the short attention spans required to watch hours of Youtube. The problem is all the easy access criticism. HIP Disorder stems out of a paranoia that the sufferer is going to fall into one of the many 'mainstream' categories that get so frequently insulted on the internet.  It's impossible to fit into one without meeting insane amounts of criticism. If you post about your religion, you get met with angry scientists saying you need to learn science. If you post about science, then you get met with those saying you learned it wrong. If you post about wanting to lose weight, you're met with an angry mob telling you to stop shaming curvey women. If you post about being happy with your curves, you're unhealthy and should stop contributing to the culture of obesity."

There is treatment available to help ease the symptoms for HIPsters who want to change.  Dr. Michael Hunt explains it's all about sexual promiscuity.

 "When we're attacked by others for our viewpoints, the attacker is coming out of a place of fear and hurt. They're so uncertain of their own opinion that they fear simply reading yours will cause them to lose all faith in their own arguments and, even worse, form new ones. The best way to combat that is to sleep around. If you've already given out all of your fucks, there's none left to give to the idiots on the internet"